I'm Still Alive

Well...it's been a while bloggers, but I'm back. I was just released from the hospital a couple days ago from what had to be one of the closest moments to death I have ever had. My last blog had me complaining about my fatigue and struggles with lupus, and maybe I was being punished for being ungrateful for everything else I had going on in my life that God decided to punish me. That ear infection spread to my neck and face and blood. At 4am on Sunday, I woke up and realized my whole left side of my jaw and face completely swollen. By 8 am, my entire face had swollen ten times bigger to the point where I couldn't close my mouth, and I couldn't talk anymore. I was rushed to the ER and I knew it was really bad when the attendant looked up, saw me, BARELY took my info down and rushed me into a bed where they quickly stripped off my clothes, placed me in a gown and started going over my vitals and drawing blood. Things from there are kind of blurry. I remember them taking me to get a ct scan and me shivering so the nice man wrapped me in a heated blanket. Then I remember the doctor telling my mom they needed to sedate me so they can put a breathing tube in me in case the swelling would block my airways. I remember my mom crying because whenever I am in the hospital, she never cries and encourages me to stay strong. I remember telling the nurse to make sure my mom knew her way home because she's bad at directions, and the last thing I remember in the ICU was them telling me to just breathe.

I remember a lil bit from when I was sedated, I was biting my tongue, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldnt open my mouth to release my tongue and it was really painful. But I heard someone instruct someone else to put a bite guard in my mouth. And I also remember them putting in my catheter (sp?). The next time I came to, I was in the ICU and I remember looking for my mom. And the nurse said I already had 3 visitors and my mom would be back at 5. I then woke up to a priest standing over me, and I thought I had died and that was heaven (later on, I found out my mom asked for a priest to pray for me and then really hoping I wouldnt wake up while he was there so I wouldnt get scared.) A couple minutes later, I woke up again, and thought the nurse was the priest and I asked by writing on a piece of paper if he was a priest. I thought it was cool that he was doing double duty as priest and nurse.

I had some trippy dreams while being sedated. I remember of dreaming of being in a meadow and feeling peaceful and feeling the warmth of the sun. I also dreaming of a doorway with light shining through but not going anywhere near it because I had heard of that saying if you go into the light that means you die. I also dreamed of many many faces. It was like flashes of photos of people just flipped through like an album. It was creepy in the sense that I have a feeling those faces were of people who may have passed away in that room I was in, but I was comforted by those faces too...like they were helping me.

I finally was able to come fully to on Tuesday the 18th. I woke up to a swollen body and a very uncomfortable breathing tube. And a week later on the 25th, I was FINALLY released from the hospital. Im currently recuperating at home. I'm weak and swollen and cant move very well but I'm fighting through it. Hopefully it will be a quick recovery and I can be back to normal soon. = )