The Facade of Being Okay

What exactly is the timeline for getting over someone? I thought for sure after a month, I would be back to normal again. If not normal, I thought at least the pain of the breakup would be less. But I'm not back to normal, and the pain is still just as fresh as when it happened. It stings, it lingers, it paralyzes me. I have done everything I can to try to be over this. I've hung out with friends, gone out and partied, went shopping, crossed stuff off my bucket list, gone to the gym almost everyday, and poured myself into my studies and paving a path for my future. I have a brave face on in front of everyone cause I know not everyone wants to hear about it. I try to keep it all inside me and not let anyone see my pain, because it is just uncomfortable for everyone. And exactly what can that do besides make the mood depressed. Today during dinner, they were asking why I was so sad, I thought I'd give it a try and say why I was sad, and not even halfway through, the topic was changed and I didn't get to finish. So message loud and clear, no one wants to hear it. So I put on my brave face and smile and party and drink my issues away. But it is getting harder and harder to hide it. I notice tears start flowing out of nowhere and it's harder to keep them in. It's becoming way too expensive to keep going out and drinking, and it doesn't help that once that happy buzz starts to fade, it is replaced with my true emotions only 10 times stronger. I have tried to talk to a couple people out of it, but reactions I get are "you should be over it by now," or "you're so strong," or my favorite, "get over it already." First of all, if I could get over it, don't you think I would get over it? It's not like I enjoy being crippled with pain. There's nothing I want more than to be past this and I especially want to stop the tears. Second, there's nothing strong about me. The minute I am alone, I completely fall apart. I cry myself to sleep, and I cry when I wake up if I am able to have fallen asleep. I'm exhausted because at most I get 2 hours of sleep. I'm so close to being manic that I don't recognize my actions anymore. There's nothing strong about me. I'm lost and completely broken down. I can't even open up my heart or mind to the possibility of a new person in my life. I'm scared of allowing someone to come in again, that the minute anyone shows interest, or touches me, or asks me for my number, I shut down. I want so badly to be open to the possibility of a new man, but I physically can't do it. My heart continues to break every time it enters my mind that Ray is no longer in my life and I must start over again. It's hard to accept that I was ready for a life with him and he wasn't but took so long to come to that conclusion. It kills me to know that I wasn't good enough for him and it scares me to enter into another relationship and end up not being good enough for that person either. I'm terrified of being broken down even more than I am right now. No amount of alcohol can mask my fear and heartbreak. People say I'm lucky to have loved, but I think people have it wrong. The lucky ones are the people that have loved and was loved back. Because to love someone with all your heart, and not have it be returned is more pain that I would ever wish on my greatest enemy.