Let the blogging begin!!!!

Well, here I am. I managed to find myself in the world of blogging, mainly because I don't really want to annoy the crap out of my existing friends. And because, I honestly don't know anyone who can really relate to the things I'm currently going through. I'm not necessarily looking for advice or sympathy. I'm looking for an outlet. A place I'm free to express how I feel and say exactly what I want to say without the worry of someone scrutinizing everything I am saying.

Today has been a roller coaster ride of issues. It was supposed to be good, it started out good enough. I spent it with one of my best friend's K. I watched some twilight (btw, not that bad of a series), and then made my way to the gym. I look forward to my sessions on Tuesdays and Thursdays, because I managed to luck into finding a trainer that's absolutely perfect for me. A big part of it has to be because we're close in age, and without a doubt, he has some INCREDIBLE ability to always have patience with me. I should've known what a crappy day it was gonna be when I looked in the mirror that morning. I looked like a bum. I went in and was about to start my second cardio of the day, when stupid me realized I didn't wear any deodorant that morning. Trust me, deodorant is crucial for me. I sweat profusely, and so not in a girly way when I'm at the gym. So I go out and get my deodorant and just sat in my car and enjoyed the sun, ultimately deciding to skip my cardio before my training session. Training went well, I managed to keep up with everything. And then I stepped on the scale...

I GAINED TWO POUNDS!!! Here's the baffeling part...because I have no time for much, I have eaten next to nothing and have been doing nothing but killing myself both at the gym and at work. And I managed to gain weight still! I don't understand how this can be. And I've been hating myself ever since I got home. I've dedicated everything I am and have to this journey I'm on, and it's not treating me very well. There's a lot of ups and downs and it's really not fair. I really want to give up and say peace out to the whole thing, since I know I don't have to go through all this pain to gain weight. I can do that the pleasurable way. But something inside me wants to keep fighting. I can do this and accomplish my goal. I have to. I refuse to continue living my life as a fat ass. It has cost me a lot of opportunities in life and love. I just need to find the strength to dig down deep and fight through it.