music is a big part of my life

i find a lot of strength and inspiration from songs. and sometimes i second guess a lot of the decisions i've made. whenever i get sad and think choosing to be single was a big mistake, i always find strength in this song. it's called consider me gone, by reba:



Every time I turn the conversation to something deeper
than the weather I can feel you all but shutting down
And when I need an explanation for the silence
You just tell me you don't wanna talk about it now
What you're not saying is coming in loud and clear
We're at a crossroad here

If I'm not the one thing you can't stand to lose
If I'm not that arrow to the heart of you
If you don't get drunk on my kiss
If you think you can do better than this
Then I guess were done Let's not drag this on
Consider me gone

With you I've always been wide open
like a window or an ocean
there was nothing I ever tried to hide
So when you leave me not knowing where you're going
I start thinking that we're looking we're looking at goodbye
How 'bout a strong shot of honesty Don't you owe that to me

If I'm not the one thing you can't stand to lose
If I'm not that arrow to the heart of you
If you don't get drunk on my kiss
If you think you can do better than this
Then I guess were done Let's not drag this on
Consider me gone

Consider me a memory
Consider me the past
Consider me a smile in an old photograph
Someone who used to make you laugh

If I'm not the one thing you can't stand to lose
If I'm not that arrow to the heart of you
Then I guess were done Let's not drag this on
Consider me gone
Consider me gone
Consider me gone
Just consider me gone

sore!

i'd just like to share with you all, that every muscle on my body is sore. = ( please, shoot me now.

LANE STEALER!!!!

Uuuuuuugggghhhhhh! One of new found cardio love is swimming. I'm not exactly the best swimmer, I do the "crawl" when I swim. It's an exhausting workout, and I absolutely love it! But I am very slow, so I don't feel comfortable sharing a lane. That is why I prefer to swim during the wee hour of 1 or 2 am. So I go today and there's one lane open, and I quickly hop in. Ten minutes into my workout, this douchebag totally jumps in my lane and splashes around making the water difficult to swim in. So I get out, hoping the jerk will get out soon and I can resume my workout. He gets out after five minutes, and I jump back in. After one lap, the guy does a cannonball into my lane again, almost causing me to drown! So I got super pissed and just got out! Why can't people friggin wait their turn?

Let the blogging begin!!!!

Well, here I am. I managed to find myself in the world of blogging, mainly because I don't really want to annoy the crap out of my existing friends. And because, I honestly don't know anyone who can really relate to the things I'm currently going through. I'm not necessarily looking for advice or sympathy. I'm looking for an outlet. A place I'm free to express how I feel and say exactly what I want to say without the worry of someone scrutinizing everything I am saying.

Today has been a roller coaster ride of issues. It was supposed to be good, it started out good enough. I spent it with one of my best friend's K. I watched some twilight (btw, not that bad of a series), and then made my way to the gym. I look forward to my sessions on Tuesdays and Thursdays, because I managed to luck into finding a trainer that's absolutely perfect for me. A big part of it has to be because we're close in age, and without a doubt, he has some INCREDIBLE ability to always have patience with me. I should've known what a crappy day it was gonna be when I looked in the mirror that morning. I looked like a bum. I went in and was about to start my second cardio of the day, when stupid me realized I didn't wear any deodorant that morning. Trust me, deodorant is crucial for me. I sweat profusely, and so not in a girly way when I'm at the gym. So I go out and get my deodorant and just sat in my car and enjoyed the sun, ultimately deciding to skip my cardio before my training session. Training went well, I managed to keep up with everything. And then I stepped on the scale...

I GAINED TWO POUNDS!!! Here's the baffeling part...because I have no time for much, I have eaten next to nothing and have been doing nothing but killing myself both at the gym and at work. And I managed to gain weight still! I don't understand how this can be. And I've been hating myself ever since I got home. I've dedicated everything I am and have to this journey I'm on, and it's not treating me very well. There's a lot of ups and downs and it's really not fair. I really want to give up and say peace out to the whole thing, since I know I don't have to go through all this pain to gain weight. I can do that the pleasurable way. But something inside me wants to keep fighting. I can do this and accomplish my goal. I have to. I refuse to continue living my life as a fat ass. It has cost me a lot of opportunities in life and love. I just need to find the strength to dig down deep and fight through it.