Diagnosed Again

So...I am trying to digest the fact that I'm basically a walking combination of sickness. Not only am I one of the few and rare people that has been lucky enough to be diagnosed with both types of Lupus, I've got a shitload of other illnesses to add to the list. A year after I got diagnosed with Lupus, I was diagnosed with High Blood Pressure and started batteling kidney issues. I thought that was the end of it. But last Friday, my doctor has presented me with a few more illnesses that I possess. There are issues with my thyroid, I am anemic, and I have high cholesterol. I am also borderline diabetic, and there's a chance my asthma symptoms have been triggered. Currently, I take 11 pills. Some twice a day, some three times a day. I so do not feel like I am 23 years old. I feel like I'm 80 or something. My doctor has also informed me that currently, my white blood cells are low, so I am vulnerable to bacteria and viruses right now. That saying "when it rains, it pours" is currently reapeating in my head. I really have no choice but to tackle all these illnesses head on and stay positive. But the task seems a bit daunting. I so can't wait until everything is under control and I can live my everyday "normal" life again.

At a Stand Still

I think the worst thing about my life is that from time to time, it has to be put on hold. I'm ordered to rest and relax and destress, but it does get lonely sometimes. I feel bad for my mom because I know it hurts her to have to see me take a time out from life. But it's not realistic to expect life to take a pause with me. Life keeps going. People keep going, and have no choice but to leave you behind. My friends have school, fam, work, relationships to deal with, and they are all young. Their life should be about parties and blowing off steam when they're not busy, not babysitting the sick girl. I just wish with all my heart I didn't have to take a time out. I wish I could be young and having fun too. I wish my time outs in life would be less frequent. I know it's hard to be friends with me because from time to time I have to take a break. It's depressing and people don't wanna have to deal with or have no time to deal with it. I hope I won't grow old alone though. I hope there is a man out there strong enough to handle my breaks from life. If I'm lucky, maybe one strong friend would be nice too.