return to the world of blogging

a good friend of mine completely reminded me that i have a blog. im sorry i neglected you blog! = ) so much has happened since my last entry that i dont know where to begin. the gym is going well...my trainer just had his first baby. so weird to see him as a father. but im very happy for him and his fam. i reconnected with an old friend k.f. and we've become good friends and through her, i got close to r.p. which im so thankful for. allowing myself to open up and have friends again has been really good for me. we have these tuesday night wine nights which are heaven because i have school all day tuesday and thursdays, and sometimes those wine nights that i look forward to is what keeps me going on tuesdays. that's another thing that's new with me...school. with my lupus under control, i am back in full effect at school with a full course load. im surviving pretty decently and i love the feeling of normalcy and that i can actually do it. i remember when my ex m.f. doubted my ability to commit to school and do well. he always told me i wasnt meant to make something of myself through school. i would just probably marry someone and be a housewife. dont get me wrong, i would still love to be a housewife...but i do wanna get my degree and be able to fall back on something because knowing my luck, the guy i marry will probably be a douchebag, and im gonna need to support myself after the divorce = ) speaking of douchebag, the constant one in my life s.h. is still present. talking to him is like being on a rollercoaster, full of ups and downs and turnarounds. i can't help it, i've fallen for him. i can't seem to shake him out of my life no matter how hard i try. noone really understands why i still put up with him, and if i was looking at my situation from the outside...i wouldnt either. but there's something about s.h. that continues to pull me in and for as many jerky things he says and does to me, he also has as many sweet moments with me that make it worth it to stay. i dunno...maybe im just a sick being addicted to heartbreak. in any case...im young, i should be testing out the waters with people right?